6 Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries at Work

As a recovering workaholic, driven to succeed at all costs people pleaser, I know how hard it is to set healthy boundaries, especially at work.

I didn’t know how to do this for years. I always said yes when work called. I went out of my way to volunteer for the challenging weekend work or late shifts. I did what it took to set myself apart and get that next promotion.

And, at a cost. After years and years of this, my health suffered, my family suffered. 

It wasn’t until I went to work for a boss that actually prioritized people and family first that I learned to do this myself. 

I had to learn to work 8 hours – ok, maybe 9 – and go home. I had to learn that my inbox would never be empty no matter how long I stayed. I had to learn to take time for annual doctor visits. I had to learn to put my kids and family before work. I had to learn to take one day off a month to prioritize my mental health.

And when I became the boss, I made sure my people knew I meant it when I said, “Take care of yourself and take care of your family first.” 

Not setting boundaries and having my priorities backwards was a major source of my chronic stress. 

Learning to say ‘no’ was a game-changer when it came to reducing and managing workplace stress. 

Here are 6 ways you can learn to set healthy boundaries at work:

1. Cultivate Self-Awareness and Self-Acceptance: Much of my stress stemmed from the belief that I had to prove myself worthy of acceptance and love. And that meant my identity was tied up in my job performance, so I was driven to succeed at all costs. It took 15 years and a pandemic for me to start to untangle this belief and realize how false and harmful it really was. I had to develop the awareness and acceptance of myself and come to know that who I am and what my value is in this world is not tied to my job or job performance.
   • Why It Helps: Developing self-awareness allows you to recognize and challenge any harmful beliefs or thought patterns that tie your value to your work performance. Self-acceptance helps you embrace your inherent worthiness, regardless of external validation.
   • How to Implement:
     • Reflect Regularly: Take time to reflect on your beliefs about self-worth and where they stem from. Are they based on societal expectations, upbringing, or personal experiences?
     • Challenge Negative Thoughts: Whenever you catch yourself equating your value with work performance, challenge those thoughts. Remind yourself of your intrinsic worth as a human being and child of God separate from your job title or accomplishments.
     • Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during times of stress or failure. Offer yourself the same empathy and support you would offer a friend facing similar struggles.
2. Define Your Limits: I believed I could handle anything and without help. I was a strong, independent woman, right? Limits did not exist, and I eventually pushed myself past the breaking point. Again, it took a pandemic to help me realize I could be a strong woman and have healthy boundaries, not only for me but my family as well. I began to draw hard lines around what I was willing and not willing to do and commit to.
   • Why It Helps: Knowing your own limits allows you to set boundaries that prevent overcommitment and burnout. When you’re clear about what you can and cannot handle, it’s easier to communicate these limits to others.
   • How to Implement:
     • Self-Assessment: Take time to reflect on your workload, responsibilities, and personal needs. Identify areas where you feel overwhelmed or stretched too thin.
     • Set Clear Goals: Establish specific, achievable goals for what you want to accomplish each day and week. This helps you recognize when you’re taking on too much.
     • Document Your Limits: Write down your limits regarding work hours, types of tasks, and the amount of work you can manage comfortably.
3. Communicate Assertively: I once had a manager look at me and say, “I don’t know why you need to go to your son’s 2 yr old check up.” What? Well, one because I wanted to go and two, my husband was flying so I was the one who had to take him. So, I told her it was because I needed to do it. No other explanation necessary. And, sometimes, reducing work stress begins at home. After years of “what’s for dinner?” because I didn’t have the bandwidth to meal plan or meal prep, I eventually told my husband that I needed him to handle dinner on the nights he was home. That in and of itself alleviated a lot of stress at work (I could focus on getting my work done instead of trying to figure out dinner, too) and at home (we stopped eating out or getting take out nearly as much as we had been.)
   • Why It Helps: Clear and assertive communication is key to setting boundaries. It ensures that your colleagues and managers understand your limits and respect your needs.
   • How to Implement:
     • Be Direct: Use “I” statements to express your needs clearly. For example, “I need to leave by 6 PM to attend to my family responsibilities.”
     • Stay Professional: Keep your tone polite and professional, even when asserting boundaries. This helps maintain positive relationships while ensuring your needs are met.
     • Regular Check-ins: Schedule regular meetings with your manager to discuss your workload and any adjustments needed to maintain your boundaries.
4. Learn to Say No: This was so hard to learn. I wanted to take on every new thing because I believed it would set me apart and help me stand out to get that next promotion. By not saying no and trying to do everything for everyone, I wound up burnt out and depressed. When I finally started saying no, it gave me an unexpected freedom to live my life on my terms.
   • Why It Helps: Saying no is a crucial part of setting boundaries. It prevents you from overcommitting and ensures you have time to focus on your most important tasks and personal well-being.
   • How to Implement:
     • Evaluate Requests: Before agreeing to a new task or project, consider whether it aligns with your priorities (work, family, self-care) and current workload.
     • Polite Refusal: Practice saying no in a polite but firm manner. For instance, “I appreciate the opportunity, but I cannot take on additional work right now” or “I can do that, and I can get it to you by Wednesday. Does that work for you?”
     • Offer Alternatives: When possible, suggest an alternative solution, such as delegating the task to someone else or rescheduling it for a later time.
5. Establish Work-Life Separation: On the whole, this was not something I struggled with since I worked a job where I couldn’t access my work email or anything else work related from home. However, I had a very hard time stopping work when I needed to and would often work long hours well beyond what my mind and body could handle. I would also tend to push through and “get it done” when my body was telling me I needed a break. Once I put a boundary in place for my schedule and stuck to it, I suddenly felt like I could breathe again.
   • Why It Helps: Creating a clear separation between work and personal life helps prevent burnout and ensures you have time to recharge and focus on other important aspects of your life.
   • How to Implement:
     • Set Work Hours: Define your work hours and stick to them. Avoid checking emails or working outside of these hours whenever possible.
     • Create a Workspace: Designate a specific area for work, especially if you’re working from home. This helps create a physical boundary between work and personal life.
     • Take Breaks: Schedule regular breaks throughout your workday to step away from your workspace, stretch, and recharge.
6. Seek Support and Build Alliances: I was blessed to have 2-3 people at work who were excellent mentors. I could go to them with whatever stress or problem I was facing, and they would listen to and guide me. That alone helped me keep my sanity during the work day. And, they were often dealing with their own stresses, so we could support each other and offer each other guidance. I would go to them for sanity checks to get another perspective, which was immensely helpful. I will never forget when one of them told me to go home because work would always be there. It was kind of a revelation to me at the time.
   • Why It Helps: Having a support system at work can reinforce your boundaries and provide you with the encouragement and resources you need to maintain them.
   • How to Implement:
     • Find Allies: Connect with colleagues who respect and support your boundaries. Share your experiences and strategies for maintaining healthy boundaries.
     • Mentorship: Seek out a mentor who can offer advice and support in setting and enforcing boundaries.
     • Professional Help: If you’re struggling to set or maintain boundaries, consider seeking help from a coach or therapist who specializes in workplace stress and boundary-setting.

Learning to set healthy boundaries at work is a vital skill for reducing stress and protecting your mental health. By knowing your value, defining your limits, communicating assertively, learning to say no, establishing work-life separation, and seeking support, you can create a more balanced and fulfilling work environment.

Try implementing just one of these techniques to help take control of your work-life balance and prioritize your well-being. Once you are well-practiced and established in that technique, try adding a new one.

Comment below and let me know how you manage workplace stress.